Disposing of Teeth
by PassiveAggressive101
Summary: Itachi never bothers to ask and Kisame never bothers to tell.
1. Spit

Random thing that popped into my head while I was looking at some of my old reports from when I was studying sharks...

I own nothing.

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Itachi never bothered to ask, and Kisame never bothered to tell. 

It was simply a ritual for Kisame to spit into the bushes about 10 times a day. Itachi figured it was simply a crude habit, like most of the elders in Kohana had done. They would often spit onto the sidewalk, leaving poor passer-byers to either have to avoid it, or possibly step the saliva and mucus mixture.

However, none of the elders had ever made a noise on sidewalk as Kisame's did. It was almost as though a rock were being flicked at the sidewalk, creating a strange sound.

_Crack._

Itachi had slowly gotten use to it, and eventually ignored it. He never bothered to look at what Kisame put on the sidewalk, or in the bushes, simply because it was none of his business. Besides, it was kind of...gross. Itachi remembered once, when he was a small child, accidentally walking over a old mans spit. It had been revolting, looking at the bottom of his sandals. He had figured the old man must have been ill, because spit was definitely not suppose to be the color that it was. He remembered the look on his mothers face when he requested for her to clean it.

"Itachi, please, watch where you step next time, will you?" His mother told him, holding the boot out in front of her as if it were toxic. Itachi had never forgotten that lesson. He would always look ahead of him and watch out for loogies, even though his mother was dead.

But one day, Itachi did ask. And Kisame did tell.

It had been after a mission to retrieve a scroll for Leader-sama. Kisame had spit in the bushes, as usual, and Itachi heard it make the same sound, this time off of one of the twigs in the bush.

_Crack. _

"Kisame..." Itachi asked, keeping his eyes ahead of him. He dared not to look at the bush.

"Yes?" Kisame asked, towering over the Uchiha. It seemed like a stupid question, it honestly did. And Itachi did notwant to degrade himself by asking it. He shut his eyes, trying to keep the question inside.

"Your spit..." Itachi managed to choke out. "Why does it sound like...that?"

"My...spit?" Kisame asked, looking down at Itachi. "I don't spit...thats a disgusting habbit!" He stated, eyes narrowing at the Uchiha.

"But then...What made that sound in the bush?"

Kisame blinked, genuinely confused. "Oh!" He exclaimed after a few seconds, as though he had just realized what Itachi was talking about. "That's not spit..."

"..." Itach's eyes met Kisame's, and he could tell that Itachi was slightly...confused.

"That me..." Kisame smiled wide, reveling his sharp, white shark-like teeth. "Disposing of my teeth."

Itachi's eyes widened slightly. "Ah." He stated, understanding.

Kisame was more shark-like than Itachi realized.

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It's so short...But I can just imagine a little kid picking up one of Kisame's teeth, running to their parent and exclaiming "I found a shark tooth!" xD

Anyways, sharks loose and grow back their teeth about 10 times a day. TA-DA! Birth of this story.

Please, review. I'd like to see what you think.


	2. Food Processor

Since I had such a great reaction to my original story, I decided to take one of my reviewers advice (ILoveAlphonse) and do another one! This one based upon the fact that sharks can smell blood from a 10 mile radius, and are quickly drawn to it.

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"Stupid Kisame...Stupid Leader...Stupid food processor! Turn ON!" Itachi cursed one of technologies "advances" and once again pressed the 'On' button on the Kitchen Aid appliance. A weak hum and then a gurgling sound emerged. Itachi curled his hands into fists. It hated him! The stinkin' food processor hated him! And no one believed him!

He took off the lid and extracted the carrot he had been attempting to shave into small pieces. Tossing it on the counter, Itachi now started to think of any alternative recipes besides carrot loaf and milk. Nothing came to mind. Curse the cooking classes that Kakuzu had given him! All he had learned was carrot loaf!

Itachi was growing more and more frustrated by the second. The food processor hated him. Leader hated him-That's why he had been assigned to cook dinner. And Kisame DEFINITLY hated him, because he was asleep on the couch, snoring his little gills off while Itachi was having food processor trouble. How did Itachi know this? The shark-man's snores were being carried from the living room, though the hall, down a flight of starirs, making a sharp left and entering the kitchen. Oh great shark could he snore!

Itachi sighed. No use getting mad. It was just a carrot. He could grate it. Itachi bent down and closed his eyes- Not wanting to see what kind of body parts, or who's blood Hidan had left in the weaponry/kitchen knife/grater drawer and stuck his hand in, feeling around for a while, and emerged with the grater. It seemed to gleam- Itachi's knight in shining armour. In a strange way. He would no longer have to try and turn on the vile piece of machinery that Kakuzu had thrown a fit over buying.

Apparently a new food processor was not worth $300. Itachi had to agree. If he couldn't use it, what was the point?

Itachi set the grater down and grabbed the carrot. He slid it along the grater, satisfied when the now grated carrot fell onto the counter. He smiled mischievously, and continued grating.

"Stupid food processor...WHY do we need one? The old fashioned ways are much bett-OW!"

Itachi had grated the carrot with lightning speed- He blamed his pent-up anger. The food processor got him angry. And now because of that, he had cut off a large chunk of skin. Oh joy.

"DAMN!" Itachi swore, quickly running to the sink. He turned on the water, only to find it blisteringly hot. Itachi twitched, and quickly adjusted the water to ice cold. Enjoying the sensation- Something between pins and needles and a deep papercut- Itachi noticed something.

It was eerily quiet in the hideout.

What had happened to the snoring?

Quickly thinking that it was some sort of invasion- Perhaps the Akatsuki were under attack- he turned.

"OW!" Itachi exclaimed for the second time that day. His nose and collided with a wall...Or what felt like one. Itachi looked up to be met with the beady- and slightly crazed looking- eyes of his partner in crime. Kisame.

"..." Itachi just looked at Kisame. The fish man seemed to understand.

"I smelt blood." Kisame said simply.

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	3. Hair Troubles

So i've dissed Kisame...

Itachi's turn!!! I suppose I will update on this whenever I find inspiration? Meh. I might change it from "Complete". We shall see.

I own nothing.

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Every time he turned. EVERY time Itachi turned, it happened. 

At first, Kisame ignored it. Out of both respect and fear. Although they we're both dangerous and deadly to everyone, including each other..They're friendship was built on respect. And fear. But mostly respect.

And so Kisame would respect this. It might annoy him, and cause him minor amount of pain, but he would still ignore it. Or at least try to. Sure a twitch now and then, but he'd just bottle up the anger he felt whenever it happened. After all, being touched made Kisame angry, and yet anger made him scary. Therefore, Itachi was sort of helping him, wasn't he? Anger made him scary, Itachi made him angry, which made him scary, and scary was good for criminals.

Until that day. That day when all the bottled up anger form the years of the STUPID thing came out. Thank god they were in the desert, or else someone might have heard. Oh fish, would he have been embaressed then. He would surley have to kill the person...Well, he would kill whoever saw, heard or smelt the duo either way.

"Kisame, you understand the missions right?" Itachi asked his rather brute-ish friend. Kisame nodded.

"Yes, Itachi. All we have to do is steal a stupid scroll. How hard could it be?" Kisame grinned, adjusting his Samehada on his back, grinning like a blood-thirsty maniac. "There will be blood..."

Itachi raised his eye-brow. Despite being his partner for years, he was never able to get over his liking of blood. It was a bit scary at times. Sure, Itachi enjoyed killing at points...But not nearly as much as Kisame. No one ever enjoyed killing as much as Kisame.

"Alright then..." Itachi turned his back to Kisame.

Thats when it happened.

Itachi's long, beautiful, soft hair whipped Kisame across his chest. His eye twitched, and his words slipped out before he could stop himself. Unfortunatly...the words just kept coming and coming...

"DAMNIT ITACHI, WHY DON'T YOU EVER CUT YOUR HAIR?" Kisame bellowed, his anger rising.. "IT'S TOO LONG, AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL. IT HITS EVERYONE WHO'S UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO STAND BEHIND YOU IN THE CHEST, AND TOBI GETS IT IN THE FACE! IT'S NOT HIS FAULT HES SHORT! EVEYRONE KNOWS THAT YOUR STUPID HAIR DOES IT! YET NO ONE WILL SAY ANYTHING TO YOU ABOUT IT! AND YOU KNOW WHY? YOU SCARE EVERYONE!"

Kisame took a breath. Just as Itachi was about to open his mouth to retaliate, more words came. "YOU SCARE PEOPLE WORSE THAN ME! AND I'M HALF FISH! AND YOU KNOW WHY? WHENEVER ANYONE SEES YOU THEY DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE A GIRL OR A BOY! AND THEN IT MAKES THE AKATSUKI LOOK LIKE A PACK OF FREAKS! A MAN-GIRL AND A FISH, WHAT A GREAT EXAMPLE FOR US!"

Itachi raised a eye brow at his friend. "...Are you done?" Itachi asked.

Kisame took a few deep breaths. "Yea...I think so..."

_SLAP. _

Kisame touched the spot where his friend had slapped him. He was silent for a moment...He had been SLAPPED. By his partner, a deadly criminal. He had been slapped by a deadly criminal!

"Kisame, don't you EVER insult my hair again you fish freak!"

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	4. Sushi and Revenge

I own nothing.

And thank you to all who are reading this story, and a special thanks to all who reviewed this story! I love you all.

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Kisame hated sharing a room with Itachi. Especially on missions. 

Now, not that this comes as a surprise to anyone. After all, although they are friends, they each have traits that are...Less than desire-able to the other. Kisame was a blood-thirsty animal who enjoyed killing more than anyone could comprehend. Needless to say, this did freak out Itachi to some extent. After all, why wouldn't it? He could defend himself from Kisame, in fact he could kill him at anytime if he really wanted to, but it wasn't necessary. And he wasn't going to be like Kisame and kill for the sheer pleasure. There had to be a meaning behind it. And Kisame had yet to provide him with a really good one.

And Itachi loved sushi.

This obviously pissed Kisame off. It was cannibalistic! They could be related to him! His partner could be eating his damn relative!

Itachi had noticed that Kisame didn't like it when he ate sushi. So he ate it every time they were on a mission. This way, Kisame couldn't go crying to Leader-Sama like he had when Hidan had prepared fish stew with finely grated fish. God only knows how Hidan got the food processor to work. It still refused to work for Kakuzu and Itachi. When asked, Hidan mumbled something about Jashin...

Which is beside the point. Kisame wanted the sushi-eating to stop. And he knew how to do it.

"Kisame." Itachi's voice broke Kisame out of his thoughts.

"Hm?" He replied, noticing an empty plate on the table. It had, a few minutes ago, had sushi in it.

"I'm going to bed. Do not disturb me." Itachi said coldly, walking into the bedroom.

"Where the hell am I supposed to sleep?" Kisame asked, remembering that they had only one bedroom in the hotel. The fish-man had been sitting on the couch in the living room of the small hotel room, thinking about sushi, and revenge...

"The couch." Itachi slammed the door. Kisame twitched. There was lots Kisame could have done, he could have kicked down the door and demanded the bedroom. He could have simply killed Itachi, and prepared sushi out of the remains for revenge. Or give him to Hidan to make Itachi-stew.

But he stuck with his original plan. Quietly, Kisame walked into the bathroom, a small bag on his shoulder. This was going to fun.

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Itachi awoke to the sound of birds. 

He groaned, rolling out of bed and slamming the window shut. Stupid birds. Glancing in the mirror, he realized her needed to shower. His hair was...greasy.

He walked into the bathroom, passing by his partner who was snoring on the couch. He made a mental note to buy sushi for lunch, just to get the fish-man mad. He grinned evily, imagining the look on his partners face...

Itachi noticed something- There was no shampoo. Or conditioner. Not that it mattered, he wouldn't have used it anyway. He needed HIS hair products. But now Kisame had nothing to use, After all, Kisame was NOT going to use Itachi's stuff. No way in hell!

"What a cheap hotel..." Itachi mumbled, before opening the door and looked for his bag. He spotted it quickly, lying on the table. He opened it, looked for his shampoo and conditioner. After all, he needed a very specific brand...

"Looking for this?" Itachi turned, and saw his partner holding up his hair products.

"...Yes. Kisame..."

"Itachi, I wonder...What would you give up to save these?" He held up the blue and white bottles, waving them a bit.

"...Is this about the sushi?" Itachi asked calmly, but on the inside, he was slightly panicked. They were his! And they only sold the stuff in one store! And it took two days from the hide-out to get to...It was very hard to come by!

"Isn't it ALWAYS about the sushi, Itachi?" Kisame asked, backing towards the window. Itachi raised an eye-brow. His partner had lost his mind!

"Kisame, please, don't throw those out the window..."

"Why not Itachi? Are you ashamed?"

Itachi twitched. Yes, he was proud of his hair. But it wasn't perfect on its own. No. Everything has its flaws...But he had found a way to make his hair perfect.

"Kisame, please, you know that those are hard to come by..." Itachi was losing control. He was losing his cool.

"Do you know how many fish you devoured, Itachi? Those could be my damn relatives!" Kisame opened the window, and held the bottles out.

Itachi twitched. "I swear to god Kisame, if you drop those, I will give you Hidan to make fish stew out of!"

"Swear off sushi."

Itachi flinched. "Fine." He didn't particularly care about the stuff...It was just a way to get on Kisame's nerves. Besides, his hair was a lot more important to him then sushi. He needed that shampoo and conditioner. Without it...

"Good." Kisame brought the bottles back inside, and tossed them to his partner. "You know what will happen if you don't..."

"What? You'll toss out my products?" Itachi tried not to sound scared. The thought petrified him!

"Not only that...I'll tell everyone that you have-"

"Don't say it, Kisame!"

"Awww, Itachi's sensitive about-"

"DON'T SAY IT, KISAME!"

"DANDRUFF!" Kisame shouted, openly laughing. The great Itachi had- and was ashamed of- dandruff.

Itachi frowned and stalked off. He opened the door to the bathroom and placed his "Head and Shoulders" shampoo and conditioner in the bathtub.

"Damn Kisame..."

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Review? 


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